Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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