Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm like, not good at living.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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