Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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