In the future we'll all be gay
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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