oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
