I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
