ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
