i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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