I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
