I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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