I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
