i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
