My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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