if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
