is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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