I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
