either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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