oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
