he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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