you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
