I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
