I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
