Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
