oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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