so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can you bring me the toilet please
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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