I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
