I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
