How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
