My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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