He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
