Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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