Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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