Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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