I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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