I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
