yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
