Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
