Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she smelled like a LAN party
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
