Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
