Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
