Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
be right there i have to get my cape
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
