last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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