fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
