Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
