Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
