is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
