I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
