The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
