please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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