Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize