Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so let's talk penis.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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