Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
