I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
