Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
