I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
