Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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