my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
