You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
