That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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