would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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