Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i now understand why vodka
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
