That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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