No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
