Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
